So, you meet this girl. You feel her and she feels you. You date for a while but she is always complaining about you not loving her enough. Deep down you know you do, and you are constantly discouraged by her seeming ingratitude of your love. Sometimes you feel like giving up on her, but there’s some good in her, so you have an emotionally unstable love life and it’s sometimes heartbreaking. What’s going on here?
They could be many things but if she has stayed and instead chosen to point out stuff that is not sitting in well with her, then she definitely loves you and she definitely has her thing together.
Women, save for a special type we shall talk about on their own, normal grounded women who are into you will try to voice themselves to be heard. Sometimes she may tell you stuff that hurts and you may wonder why if you do not please her she doesn’t just leave instead of giving you a headache. She does not leave because she sees a light in you, but something about the way you treat her does not communicate ‘loved’ to her and it’s standing between you two being in harmony. She does not doubt your love but she sees something that is preventing you two from reaching that perfect bliss of total give. That’s the stage at which love is strongest and she wants that. You may actually really love her but have reservations about how far into you you can let her.
When she gets this way, listen and, understand her. Understanding is like that underlying current that makes sense of love. Love deepens when there is understanding (love is only a flimsy feeling that can thin and disappear) but understanding is that which gives it roots and makes its attachment stronger. When love is coupled with understanding, even the biggest hit at love will not throw it down. Understanding is that essential to love and loving.
If she is telling you she does not feel loved, maybe you should try to understand her. Allow yourself to try to imagine how receiving what you are giving would feel if you are the recipient. But to do this you need to be grounded and self-aware yourself. You see, most times what makes us unavailable or unable to give such emotions like empathy is fear we have created around ourselves from a previous traumatic experience that prevents us from leaving the cacoons we have placed ourselves in, to venture out into other people’s space. So if you are finding it hard to leave your comfort zone for another, but want her to understand you, maybe you should master your emotions first. Because the other danger is that slowly she will try to understand you and love you too close to your fears, and then you will unintentionally send her away or keep her at bay because you are not comfortable letting anyone get into your private cocoon of fear. And that will hurt her and disappoint you.
Does she constantly tell you she is feeling unloved? See… I almost forgot to tell you to buy her something from our shop while you read on. Yea? Does she constantly tell you she feels unloved? If yes, the best place to start fixing her is deep inside you. Have you dealt with your childhood or adult life traumas? We all get trauma in the event of living its only that for some it’s deeper than others, and for some, they have not found ways to accept and deal with or just to rise above those traumas, so they keep showing up unintentionally weighing us down with fear and doubt in situations we ought to be strong and caring.
Fix yourself and get out of your cacoon, look at her and understand her, that is the perfect way to build a long-lasting stress-free relationship.
Hamona. We love. Love.